Dear diary:

Recall back the moments, in the previous half of this year.. I've faced a big conflict in my life. Moreover, due to the obstacles and with the help of my friend around me, I admit that i really changed a lot. Try to imagine that you have to Facing all the continues conflict happen so sudden, yet I still manage to stand up again & again. Im really tough, am i? ha-ha.. Well, Im in these condition around almost half a year. . Im almost numb. Losing trust on someone which i really concern is really depressed me alot. My heart tells me its so pain to trust again, yet my brain tells me i should try trust that person. Im standing in between my mind and my heart. No matter what decision i choose, i still with get the pain. What makes the different is the stage of pain and the result i get. 

Six months ago, my ex.. he spoke up to break up with me so suddenly, so eagerly. He just walk off without turning back. Leaving me all by my own. He's my first love, yet.. he just changed so suddenly. Without a proper reason given, he just walk away. I was totally in the depressed stage. What should i do to get him back? I've totally clueless. The more i want to get the relationship back, the more pain he give me with his cruel action by ignore me or words to hurt me deeply. In that time, im still so silly, i still want to wait for him, until the day he came back to me. Yet, i really im just to naive. Im just to silly. Im just too weak, to accept the truth. 

Since earlier if january in this year, my dad started jobless around half a year, until month of july, he started a new job, which is to take care of the kelapa sawit field, yet, today.. he went back home, told us that he get fired. Swt. As the eldest in the family, i had to stand up and search for a job to maintain the family expenses. It might be quite tough for me, because im going to face my year 2 in the coming semester. But, its really alert for me. I shouldnt just stay at home do nothing. I dont want wait until the $ in the bank get dries. To success, i had to search for a second hand car for me easier for going to work. Dont expect that im going to drive my mum's car to work! 1st reason is the car really "jiak you".. i dont think my salery enough for the petrol fees, 2nd, rav4 really need higher cost for the maintains fee. 3rd, that car is really big! 4th, if im using that car, what car am my mum gonna use for her daily life? 5th, im so phobia since i lost the car. 

A few months ago, one of my best friends making fool of me by fooling me round and round. Everything she spoken was just a lie to cover up another lie. She was so selfish. To get into another relationship, she will scarifies anything as long she can get that guy. Includes lying to her parents. To approach the guy she aim, she prefer to   change the way she act, everything under her plans, she even missout every single meeting for out group meeting. All the concern she just only invest on that guy, instead our group assessment. To cover up the embarrassed situation that when she get rejected, she even used up my name. saying that the reason she give up is became i wanted that guy, and she's giving me the opportunity. Such a GOOD FRIEND you are, miss! wadafuq!? 



StephyMouse