19 May 2013 (Monday)

Its already 1230pm, but my mind is so tired, so confusing. that kind of feeling when you just prefer not to say anything, just keep quiet. Is worse enough, i don't want to make it even worse. It wont gets better when i explain it verbally. It always goes to the worse. Right now, facing dear.. doing assignment. That feeling when we were so near sitting together but our mind is so far. Is been quite long time i didn't find my blog, but now.. maybe blog is the better way for me to express. Yup, perhaps that's better. 

How many time i had to keep on complaining? 
How many time i had to stress out again?
How many time i had to rely on speeding to overcome my stress?
How many time i had to control my temper again and again?
How many time i had to make dear stressed together with me?
How many time i had to make myself so weak to say NO? 
How many time i had to give up my own point? 
How many time i had to swallow that shxt again?
How many time i had to rethink again when i feel want to leave this house?
How many time i had to soften my heart to say it okay, i will be alright?
How many time i had to say to myself, my house is no longer there?
How many time i had to stay strong to support my broken family?
How many time i had to ignore the fact that my parent had abandon me?
How many time i had to switch role with my mum?
How many time i had to get control this and that?
How many time i had to wipe away my tears quietly?
How many time i had to pretend nothing happen when there's so much thing happen?
How many time i had to get bullied by this family member?
How many time i can bear this again?

....infinite times remaining. This will keep happen---suffer---repeat. The only thing i can do is pray hard everyday. 

Many things happen in this month, the pressure is loaded on my brain more and more. I'm getting more and more stress, flammable, explosive. deadly danger. The stress, the pressure, everything.. Arghh~~~